Values Framework

What Are Values?

Values are the core principles and qualities that matter most to you—your personal compass for living a meaningful life. Unlike goals (which you achieve and move past), values are ongoing directions you choose to move toward throughout your life.

Values Are:

• Chosen freely, not imposed
• Personal and subjective
• Action-guiding principles
• About the journey, not the destination
• Present in how you live, not just what you achieve

Values Are NOT:

• Goals or outcomes
• Feelings or moods
• Duties or obligations
• What others think you should want
• Fixed traits you're born with

Why Values Matter

Living with Clarity

When you're clear on your values, you have:

1. Direction: Values guide decisions and priorities
2. Motivation: Moving toward values energizes you
3. Meaning: Values-aligned action creates fulfillment
4. Resilience: Values provide strength during challenges
5. Authenticity: Living by your values feels like being yourself
6. Peace: Alignment between values and actions reduces internal conflict

The Cost of Value Misalignment

When your life doesn't reflect your values, you may experience:

• Persistent dissatisfaction despite "success"
• Feeling like you're living someone else's life
• Chronic stress and exhaustion
• Resentment toward people or obligations
• Emotional numbness or disconnection
• Regret about how you spend time
• Identity confusion ("Who am I, really?")

Common Life Values

Relationship Values

• Connection: Deep bonds with others
• Love: Expressing and receiving affection
• Family: Prioritizing family relationships
• Friendship: Cultivating meaningful friendships
• Intimacy: Emotional and physical closeness
• Community: Belonging to groups or causes
• Contribution: Helping and supporting others
• Compassion: Responding to suffering with care

Personal Growth Values

• Growth: Continuous learning and development
• Creativity: Expressing originality and innovation
• Curiosity: Exploring and discovering
• Wisdom: Developing deep understanding
• Self-awareness: Knowing yourself deeply
• Authenticity: Being genuine and real
• Courage: Facing fears and taking risks
• Mastery: Developing skills and expertise

Work & Achievement Values

• Purpose: Meaningful contribution through work
• Excellence: Doing things to high standard
• Achievement: Accomplishing significant goals
• Leadership: Guiding and inspiring others
• Impact: Making a difference
• Challenge: Pushing your limits
• Innovation: Creating new solutions
• Recognition: Being acknowledged for contributions

Lifestyle Values

• Freedom: Independence and autonomy
• Adventure: New experiences and excitement
• Security: Stability and safety
• Simplicity: Uncluttered, mindful living
• Balance: Harmony across life areas
• Nature: Connection with natural world
• Health: Physical and mental wellbeing
• Beauty: Appreciating and creating aesthetic experiences

Inner Experience Values

• Peace: Inner calm and tranquility
• Joy: Experiencing happiness and delight
• Playfulness: Lightness and fun
• Spirituality: Connection to something greater
• Mindfulness: Present-moment awareness
• Gratitude: Appreciation for what is
• Acceptance: Embracing reality as it is
• Integrity: Alignment between beliefs and actions

Contribution Values

• Justice: Fairness and equality
• Environmentalism: Protecting the planet
• Generosity: Giving freely to others
• Service: Helping those in need
• Teaching: Sharing knowledge and wisdom
• Healing: Supporting others' wellbeing
• Activism: Working for social change
• Legacy: Creating lasting positive impact

Identifying Your Core Values

The Values Discovery Process

Step 1: Free Exploration

• Review values lists (like above)
• Notice which words resonate emotionally
• Don't overthink—trust your gut
• No judgment about "should" or "shouldn't"

Step 2: Life Review

• When have you felt most alive and fulfilled?
• What were you doing? With whom?
• What values were present in those moments?
• What achievements are you proudest of? Why?
• When have you felt most yourself?

Step 3: Discontent Analysis

• When do you feel most dissatisfied or frustrated?
• What value might be getting violated or neglected?
• What makes you angry or sad about the world?
• Often your strongest values are visible through their absence

Step 4: Values Clarification Questions

For each potential core value, ask:

• If I could never express this value again, how would I feel?
• Is this MY value, or someone else's expectation?
• Am I willing to have this value even if others disagree?
• Does this value show up across multiple life areas?
• Does thinking about this value energize or drain me?

Step 5: Prioritization

• You can't prioritize everything equally
• Select 5-8 core values maximum
• These represent your essential compass
• Other values may still matter but aren't top tier

Common Pitfalls in Values Work

Identifying "Should" Values:

• "I should value career success" (but you actually value creativity)
• "I should value family" (but you actually value freedom)
• Listen to your heart, not societal expectations

Confusing Values with Goals:

• Wrong: "I value losing 20 pounds" (goal)
• Right: "I value health and vitality" (value)
• Values guide the direction; goals are milestones

Mixing Up Values with Feelings:

• Wrong: "I value being happy" (emotional state)
• Right: "I value joy and playfulness" (values that create happiness)
• Values create feelings, but aren't the feelings themselves

Too Many Values:

• If everything is a top value, nothing is
• Limit to 5-8 core values
• Prevents dilution and increases clarity

Values That Don't Cost Anything:

• Real values sometimes require sacrifice
• "I value both total freedom and deep commitment" may be contradictory
• Authentic values mean choosing this over that

Using the Values Wheel

The Wheel as Assessment Tool

The Values Wheel helps you:

1. Identify your 5-8 core values
2. Score satisfaction (0-10) with each value area
3. Visualize your balance across values
4. Track changes over time
5. Take Action through tasks aligned with each value

Interpreting Your Scores

8-10: Thriving

• This value is well-expressed in your life
• You're satisfied with how you honor this value
• Maintain what's working
• Consider: Could you support others in this area?

5-7: Adequate

• This value gets some attention but not enough
• Opportunity for increased alignment
• Small changes could make big difference
• Consider: What one thing would move this up?

2-4: Neglected

• Significant gap between value and life
• Likely source of dissatisfaction
• Requires deliberate attention
• Consider: What barriers prevent living this value?

0-1: Crisis

• This important value is severely neglected
• Major source of distress or regret
• May need significant life changes
• Consider: Is this truly a core value, or should something else be here?

Balanced vs. Unbalanced Wheels

Well-Balanced (6-8 on all values):

• Life relatively aligned across values
• Focus on maintaining balance
• Small adjustments as needed

One or Two High, Rest Low:

• Likely overworking or over-focusing
• Risk of burnout or resentment
• Need to redistribute energy
• Example: Career value at 9, relationship values at 3

All Low:

• May indicate depression or burnout
• Values might not actually be YOUR values
• Could need rest and reconnection
• Consider whether life circumstances are temporarily preventing alignment

Wildly Uneven:

• Some values highly satisfied, others totally neglected
• Indicates clear prioritization but potential regret
• Ask: Is this sustainable? Is this what I want?

Aligning Actions with Values

Values-Based Decision Making

When facing decisions, ask:

1. Which choice is most aligned with my core values?
2. Am I choosing based on fear or values?
3. Will I regret this from a values perspective?
4. How would my wisest self choose?
5. What action would I respect myself for?

Example:

• Decision: Accept promotion requiring 60-hour weeks
• Values to Consider: Career achievement, family connection, health
• Values-Aligned Questions:
  • Does this promotion align with my achievement value?
  • What happens to family connection with longer hours?
  • Can I maintain health with this schedule?
  • Is there a third option that honors multiple values?

Daily Values Practice

Morning Values Intention:

• "Today, I'll honor my [value] by [specific action]"
• Example: "I'll honor connection by having dinner without devices"

Evening Values Review:

• "How did I honor my values today?"
• "Where was I out of alignment?"
• "What will I do differently tomorrow?"

Weekly Values Check:

• Review your Values Wheel scores
• Adjust actions for neglected values
• Celebrate values-aligned wins
• Plan upcoming week with values in mind

Values in Relationships

In Romantic Relationships:

• Share your values with partner
• Understand partner's values
• Find areas of overlap (shared values)
• Negotiate areas of difference
• Don't expect complete value alignment
• Respect partner's right to different values

Value Conflicts: When your values and partner's differ:

• Freedom vs. Security
• Adventure vs. Stability
• Career vs. Family time
• Solitude vs. Socializing

Resolution Approaches:

• Take turns honoring each person's value
• Find creative solutions honoring both
• Compromise on actions, not values
• Sometimes values are incompatible (decide if this is acceptable)

In Work:

• Assess workplace culture alignment with values
• Make career choices based on values
• Advocate for values-aligned work
• Notice when job violates core values
• Consider whether misalignment is temporary or permanent

In Friendships:

• Seek friends who share some core values
• Respect friends' different values
• Let go of friendships that consistently violate values
• Be explicit about your values with close friends

Values Evolution Over Time

Life Stages and Values

Values often shift across life:

Young Adulthood (20s-30s):

• Often prioritize: Achievement, independence, adventure, identity
• Building career and identity
• Exploring possibilities

Middle Adulthood (40s-50s):

• Often prioritize: Family, contribution, meaning, legacy
• Established but questioning
• Desire for significance over success

Later Adulthood (60s+):

• Often prioritize: Wisdom, connection, simplicity, peace
• Less concerned with achievement
• Focus on what truly matters

After Major Life Events:

• Health crisis → Health value increases
• Becoming parent → Family value increases
• Loss → Connection or spirituality increases
• Success → Meaning and contribution increase

Tracking Values Evolution

Use the Values Wheel to:

• Revisit quarterly or twice yearly
• Notice shifts in priorities
• Honor that values change
• Don't judge past values
• Update your wheel when values shift

When to Update Your Values

Signs Your Values Have Changed:

• Current values feel hollow or external
• You're consistently choosing different priorities
• Life events have shifted what matters
• You've outgrown old identity
• Current wheel doesn't resonate
• You feel like a different person

How to Update:

• Complete a fresh values discovery
• Don't force old values to still fit
• Honor the person you're becoming
• Update wheel with new values
• Reset scores for new beginning

Integration with Wolf Reflection

Values-Action Alignment

Connect your Values Wheel to daily actions:

Good Wolf Actions (Values-Aligned):

• Spending time on what truly matters
• Saying no to values-misaligned requests
• Making decisions from values, not fear
• Sacrificing lesser things for greater values
• Choosing authenticity over approval

Bad Wolf Actions (Values-Misaligned):

• People-pleasing against your values
• Busy-ness that neglects core values
• Choosing comfort over values-aligned growth
• Letting others' values override yours
• Ignoring nagging sense of misalignment

Using the Modules Together:

1. Identify core values (Values Wheel)
2. Log daily actions (Wolf Reflection)
3. Notice alignment patterns
4. Celebrate values-aligned choices
5. Adjust to increase alignment

Values and Life Design

Creating a Values-Aligned Life

Career Design:

• Does your work express your values?
• Could you shift role to better alignment?
• Is it time for a career change?
• Can you bring values into current work?

Relationship Design:

• Do your relationships reflect your values?
• Are you expressing connection, love, or family values?
• Do you need to let go of values-misaligned relationships?
• How can you deepen valued relationships?

Time Design:

• Does your schedule reflect your values?
• Where are you spending time on non-values?
• What can you eliminate or delegate?
• How can you protect time for top values?

Environment Design:

• Does your home reflect your values?
• Does your location align with your values?
• Are you surrounded by values-aligned people?
• What environmental changes would increase alignment?

Values-Based Goals

Set goals that serve values, not replace them:

Values-Aligned Goal Setting:

• Start with the value (e.g., health)
• Ask: What goals serve this value?
• Options: Exercise routine, nutrition plan, stress management
• Choose goals that express the value
• Remember: Achieving goal isn't the point; living the value is

Difference Between Goals and Values:

• Goal: "Run a marathon" (endpoint)
• Value: "Physical vitality and challenge" (ongoing)
• After Goal: You can still honor the value with new goals

Common Questions

"What if I don't know my values?"

• Start with values discovery exercises above
• Try living by different values experimentally
• Notice what feels authentic vs. forced
• Work with therapist or coach if needed

"What if my values conflict with each other?"

• Some conflict is normal (work vs. family)
• You're managing tension, not resolving it
• Both/and thinking: honor both values differently
• Seasons of life emphasize different values

"What if my values conflict with my culture/family/religion?"

• This is common and difficult
• You have a right to your own values
• Consider: Can you honor both? Do you need boundaries?
• Living inauthentically has costs
• Therapy can help navigate these conflicts

"What if I keep ignoring my values?"

• This creates persistent dissatisfaction
• Explore: What makes it hard to honor your values?
• Common barriers: Fear, obligation, habits, lack of support
• Small steps toward alignment make big difference
• Professional support can help

"Can values change?"

• Yes, values evolve across life
• Life experiences reshape what matters
• Don't force old values to still fit
• Honor your growth and change

Practical Exercises

90th Birthday Exercise:

• Imagine your 90th birthday party
• People describe your life
• What do you want them to say?
• What values would that life reflect?

Values Regret Test:

• Imagine end of life
• What would you regret not doing?
• What values would be neglected?
• Use that insight now

Peak Experience Analysis:

• List 5 times you felt most alive
• What were you doing?
• Who were you with?
• What values were present?
• Those are clues to your core values

Week of Yes/No:

• One week, say yes only to values-aligned activities
• Say no to everything else
• Notice what changes
• What became possible?

Resources

Books:

• "The Values Factor" by John Demartini
• "The Happiness Trap" by Russ Harris (ACT approach)
• "Designing Your Life" by Bill Burnett & Dave Evans
• "Essentialism" by Greg McKeown

Practices:

• Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Life coaching focused on values
• Values clarification workshops
• Regular journaling about values and alignment

Remember: Your values are your compass. They don't guarantee happiness, but they create meaning. Living by your values is a practice, not perfection. Begin where you are.