Values Framework: Living Authentically

What Are Values?

Values are the core principles and qualities that matter most to you—your personal compass for living a meaningful life. Unlike goals (which you achieve and move past), values are ongoing directions you choose to move toward throughout your life.

Values Are:

Chosen freely, not imposed
Personal and subjective
Action-guiding principles
About the journey, not the destination
Present in how you live, not just what you achieve

Values Are NOT:

Goals or outcomes
Feelings or moods
Duties or obligations
What others think you should want
Fixed traits you're born with

Why Values Matter

Living with Clarity

When you're clear on your values, you have:

Direction: Values guide decisions and priorities
Motivation: Moving toward values energizes you
Meaning: Values-aligned action creates fulfillment
Resilience: Values provide strength during challenges
Authenticity: Living by your values feels like being yourself
Peace: Alignment between values and actions reduces internal conflict

The Cost of Value Misalignment

When your life doesn't reflect your values, you may experience:

Persistent dissatisfaction despite "success"
Feeling like you're living someone else's life
Chronic stress and exhaustion
Resentment toward people or obligations
Emotional numbness or disconnection
Regret about how you spend time
Identity confusion ("Who am I, really?")

Common Life Values

Relationship Values

Connection: Deep bonds with others
Love: Expressing and receiving affection
Family: Prioritizing family relationships
Friendship: Cultivating meaningful friendships
Intimacy: Emotional and physical closeness
Community: Belonging to groups or causes
Contribution: Helping and supporting others
Compassion: Responding to suffering with care

Personal Growth Values

Growth: Continuous learning and development
Creativity: Expressing originality and innovation
Curiosity: Exploring and discovering
Wisdom: Developing deep understanding
Self-awareness: Knowing yourself deeply
Authenticity: Being genuine and real
Courage: Facing fears and taking risks
Mastery: Developing skills and expertise

Work & Achievement Values

Purpose: Meaningful contribution through work
Excellence: Doing things to high standard
Achievement: Accomplishing significant goals
Leadership: Guiding and inspiring others
Impact: Making a difference
Challenge: Pushing your limits
Innovation: Creating new solutions
Recognition: Being acknowledged for contributions

Lifestyle Values

Freedom: Independence and autonomy
Adventure: New experiences and excitement
Security: Stability and safety
Simplicity: Uncluttered, mindful living
Balance: Harmony across life areas
Nature: Connection with natural world
Health: Physical and mental wellbeing
Beauty: Appreciating and creating aesthetic experiences

Inner Experience Values

Peace: Inner calm and tranquility
Joy: Experiencing happiness and delight
Playfulness: Lightness and fun
Spirituality: Connection to something greater
Mindfulness: Present-moment awareness
Gratitude: Appreciation for what is
Acceptance: Embracing reality as it is
Integrity: Alignment between beliefs and actions

Contribution Values

Justice: Fairness and equality
Environmentalism: Protecting the planet
Generosity: Giving freely to others
Service: Helping those in need
Teaching: Sharing knowledge and wisdom
Healing: Supporting others' wellbeing
Activism: Working for social change
Legacy: Creating lasting positive impact

Identifying Your Core Values

The Values Discovery Process

Step 1: Free Exploration

Review values lists (like above)
Notice which words resonate emotionally
Don't overthink—trust your gut
No judgment about "should" or "shouldn't"

Step 2: Life Review

When have you felt most alive and fulfilled?
What were you doing? With whom?
What values were present in those moments?
What achievements are you proudest of? Why?
When have you felt most yourself?

Step 3: Discontent Analysis

When do you feel most dissatisfied or frustrated?
What value might be getting violated or neglected?
What makes you angry or sad about the world?
Often your strongest values are visible through their absence

Step 4: Values Clarification Questions

For each potential core value, ask:

If I could never express this value again, how would I feel?
Is this MY value, or someone else's expectation?
Am I willing to have this value even if others disagree?
Does this value show up across multiple life areas?
Does thinking about this value energize or drain me?

Step 5: Prioritization

You can't prioritize everything equally
Select 5-8 core values maximum
These represent your essential compass
Other values may still matter but aren't top tier

Common Pitfalls in Values Work

Identifying "Should" Values:

"I should value career success" (but you actually value creativity)
"I should value family" (but you actually value freedom)
Listen to your heart, not societal expectations

Confusing Values with Goals:

Wrong: "I value losing 20 pounds" (goal)
Right: "I value health and vitality" (value)
Values guide the direction; goals are milestones

Mixing Up Values with Feelings:

Wrong: "I value being happy" (emotional state)
Right: "I value joy and playfulness" (values that create happiness)
Values create feelings, but aren't the feelings themselves

Too Many Values:

If everything is a top value, nothing is
Limit to 5-8 core values
Prevents dilution and increases clarity

Values That Don't Cost Anything:

Real values sometimes require sacrifice
"I value both total freedom and deep commitment" may be contradictory
Authentic values mean choosing this over that

Using the Values Wheel

The Wheel as Assessment Tool

The Values Wheel helps you:

Identify your 5-8 core values
Score satisfaction (0-10) with each value area
Visualize your balance across values
Track changes over time
Take Action through tasks aligned with each value

Interpreting Your Scores

8-10: Thriving

This value is well-expressed in your life
You're satisfied with how you honor this value
Maintain what's working
Consider: Could you support others in this area?

5-7: Adequate

This value gets some attention but not enough
Opportunity for increased alignment
Small changes could make big difference
Consider: What one thing would move this up?

2-4: Neglected

Significant gap between value and life
Likely source of dissatisfaction
Requires deliberate attention
Consider: What barriers prevent living this value?

0-1: Crisis

This important value is severely neglected
Major source of distress or regret
May need significant life changes
Consider: Is this truly a core value, or should something else be here?

Balanced vs. Unbalanced Wheels

Well-Balanced (6-8 on all values):

Life relatively aligned across values
Focus on maintaining balance
Small adjustments as needed

One or Two High, Rest Low:

Likely overworking or over-focusing
Risk of burnout or resentment
Need to redistribute energy
Example: Career value at 9, relationship values at 3

All Low:

May indicate depression or burnout
Values might not actually be YOUR values
Could need rest and reconnection
Consider whether life circumstances are temporarily preventing alignment

Wildly Uneven:

Some values highly satisfied, others totally neglected
Indicates clear prioritization but potential regret
Ask: Is this sustainable? Is this what I want?

Aligning Actions with Values

Values-Based Decision Making

When facing decisions, ask:

Which choice is most aligned with my core values?
Am I choosing based on fear or values?
Will I regret this from a values perspective?
How would my wisest self choose?
What action would I respect myself for?

Example:

Decision: Accept promotion requiring 60-hour weeks
Values to Consider: Career achievement, family connection, health
Values-Aligned Questions:
- Does this promotion align with my achievement value?
- What happens to family connection with longer hours?
- Can I maintain health with this schedule?
- Is there a third option that honors multiple values?

Daily Values Practice

Morning Values Intention:

"Today, I'll honor my [value] by [specific action]"
Example: "I'll honor connection by having dinner without devices"

Evening Values Review:

"How did I honor my values today?"
"Where was I out of alignment?"
"What will I do differently tomorrow?"

Weekly Values Check:

Review your Values Wheel scores
Adjust actions for neglected values
Celebrate values-aligned wins
Plan upcoming week with values in mind

Values in Relationships

In Romantic Relationships:

Share your values with partner
Understand partner's values
Find areas of overlap (shared values)
Negotiate areas of difference
Don't expect complete value alignment
Respect partner's right to different values

Value Conflicts: When your values and partner's differ:

Freedom vs. Security
Adventure vs. Stability
Career vs. Family time
Solitude vs. Socializing

Resolution Approaches:

Take turns honoring each person's value
Find creative solutions honoring both
Compromise on actions, not values
Sometimes values are incompatible (decide if this is acceptable)

In Work:

Assess workplace culture alignment with values
Make career choices based on values
Advocate for values-aligned work
Notice when job violates core values
Consider whether misalignment is temporary or permanent

In Friendships:

Seek friends who share some core values
Respect friends' different values
Let go of friendships that consistently violate values
Be explicit about your values with close friends

Values Evolution Over Time

Life Stages and Values

Values often shift across life:

Young Adulthood (20s-30s):

Often prioritize: Achievement, independence, adventure, identity
Building career and identity
Exploring possibilities

Middle Adulthood (40s-50s):

Often prioritize: Family, contribution, meaning, legacy
Established but questioning
Desire for significance over success

Later Adulthood (60s+):

Often prioritize: Wisdom, connection, simplicity, peace
Less concerned with achievement
Focus on what truly matters

After Major Life Events:

Health crisis → Health value increases
Becoming parent → Family value increases
Loss → Connection or spirituality increases
Success → Meaning and contribution increase

Tracking Values Evolution

Use the Values Wheel to:

Revisit quarterly or twice yearly
Notice shifts in priorities
Honor that values change
Don't judge past values
Update your wheel when values shift

When to Update Your Values

Signs Your Values Have Changed:

Current values feel hollow or external
You're consistently choosing different priorities
Life events have shifted what matters
You've outgrown old identity
Current wheel doesn't resonate
You feel like a different person

How to Update:

Complete a fresh values discovery
Don't force old values to still fit
Honor the person you're becoming
Update wheel with new values
Reset scores for new beginning

Integration with Wolf Reflection

Values-Action Alignment

Connect your Values Wheel to daily actions:

Good Wolf Actions (Values-Aligned):

Spending time on what truly matters
Saying no to values-misaligned requests
Making decisions from values, not fear
Sacrificing lesser things for greater values
Choosing authenticity over approval

Bad Wolf Actions (Values-Misaligned):

People-pleasing against your values
Busy-ness that neglects core values
Choosing comfort over values-aligned growth
Letting others' values override yours
Ignoring nagging sense of misalignment

Using the Modules Together:

Identify core values (Values Wheel)
Log daily actions (Wolf Reflection)
Notice alignment patterns
Celebrate values-aligned choices
Adjust to increase alignment

Values and Life Design

Creating a Values-Aligned Life

Career Design:

Does your work express your values?
Could you shift role to better alignment?
Is it time for a career change?
Can you bring values into current work?

Relationship Design:

Do your relationships reflect your values?
Are you expressing connection, love, or family values?
Do you need to let go of values-misaligned relationships?
How can you deepen valued relationships?

Time Design:

Does your schedule reflect your values?
Where are you spending time on non-values?
What can you eliminate or delegate?
How can you protect time for top values?

Environment Design:

Does your home reflect your values?
Does your location align with your values?
Are you surrounded by values-aligned people?
What environmental changes would increase alignment?

Values-Based Goals

Set goals that serve values, not replace them:

Values-Aligned Goal Setting:

Start with the value (e.g., health)
Ask: What goals serve this value?
Options: Exercise routine, nutrition plan, stress management
Choose goals that express the value
Remember: Achieving goal isn't the point; living the value is

Difference Between Goals and Values:

Goal: "Run a marathon" (endpoint)
Value: "Physical vitality and challenge" (ongoing)
After Goal: You can still honor the value with new goals

Common Questions

"What if I don't know my values?"

Start with values discovery exercises above
Try living by different values experimentally
Notice what feels authentic vs. forced
Work with therapist or coach if needed

"What if my values conflict with each other?"

Some conflict is normal (work vs. family)
You're managing tension, not resolving it
Both/and thinking: honor both values differently
Seasons of life emphasize different values

"What if my values conflict with my culture/family/religion?"

This is common and difficult
You have a right to your own values
Consider: Can you honor both? Do you need boundaries?
Living inauthentically has costs
Therapy can help navigate these conflicts

"What if I keep ignoring my values?"

This creates persistent dissatisfaction
Explore: What makes it hard to honor your values?
Common barriers: Fear, obligation, habits, lack of support
Small steps toward alignment make big difference
Professional support can help

"Can values change?"

Yes, values evolve across life
Life experiences reshape what matters
Don't force old values to still fit
Honor your growth and change

Practical Exercises

90th Birthday Exercise:

Imagine your 90th birthday party
People describe your life
What do you want them to say?
What values would that life reflect?

Values Regret Test:

Imagine end of life
What would you regret not doing?
What values would be neglected?
Use that insight now

Peak Experience Analysis:

List 5 times you felt most alive
What were you doing?
Who were you with?
What values were present?
Those are clues to your core values

Week of Yes/No:

One week, say yes only to values-aligned activities
Say no to everything else
Notice what changes
What became possible?

Resources

Books:

"The Values Factor" by John Demartini
"The Happiness Trap" by Russ Harris (ACT approach)
"Designing Your Life" by Bill Burnett & Dave Evans
"Essentialism" by Greg McKeown

Practices:

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
Life coaching focused on values
Values clarification workshops
Regular journaling about values and alignment

Remember: Your values are your compass. They don't guarantee happiness, but they create meaning. Living by your values is a practice, not perfection. Begin where you are.